in which i list one hundred things about myself
2010-07-10 | 10:46 p.m.


edited february 20, 2012.

1. my personality type is ESFJ, but i only favor extroversion by 1 point, and i only favor feeling by 1 point. it makes sense to me because of the inner conflicts i have�

2. i�m an aquarius. my birthday is the day before valentine�s. i�m twenty-two now.

3. i can generally see both sides of any argument. it makes it difficult to take a side on anything.

4. i get really engrossed in books and movies.

5. my username is from avett brothers song, �the weight of lies.� the lyrics go make sure she knows you love her well, but don�t make any other promises.

6. i have had several, several other diaries, as well as livejournals and written journals. i don�t know if that makes me obsessive or restless or just silly.

7. i was engaged to someone i dated for four years. i ended it.

8. my favorite band is the beatles, but close runners up are weezer, the mountain goats, death cab for cutie, and the avett brothers.

9. i only really like to drink water, orange juice, and mountain dew.

10. i�m graduating from undergrad in may. that�s terrifying to me.

11. i used to think that i had this deep inner desire for a �plot twist� in my own life. i realize now that�s only because i was terribly unhappy at that point in my life.

12. i enjoy running.

13. i feel like oftentimes i have �chronic dissatisfaction.�

14. that�s from one of my favorite movies, vicky cristina barcelona. i also love away we go, 500 days of summer, and help!.

15. i�m honestly a very happy person. i�m optimistic about most things in my life and i try terribly hard to find the good in everyone and every situation.

16. i really like pillows. body pillows are my favorite though. i wish i had one�

17. my feet hurt more than anything else on my body. i really wish that i had someone to give me foot massages before i go to sleep.

18. i have the best living situation I could ask for. i live in a gorgeous house with four of the best people i know (kayley, matt, erin, and cat). i got lucky, honestly.

19. i haven�t had a real �best friend,� but i am lucky enough to have a circle of wonderful people who love and accept me and try their damndest to make me happy. that�s more than enough and it�s more than i deserve.

20. i know how to write and read pretty basic French. if i had to get myself around in a French speaking country, i could, but i�m bad at conversational French.

21. i�ve been to france! i also studied abroad in London last summer. it was an amazing experience.

22. i really love vanilla ice cream.

23. i also love for someone to touch my shoulders. i evidently carry a lot of tension there.

24. i honestly love to be close enough to people that i�m comfortable with actually touching them. i am very affectionate when people let me be. 25. i�m cold a lot of the time, but i love the cold and winter.

26. i have to wear socks to bed most of the time or it�s difficult for me to fall asleep.

27. i wear glasses and i think i look strange without them. i tried contacts when i was sixteen and hated them. glasses have always suited me more anyhow.

28. i�m ridiculously terrified of spiders.

29. i am working on expressing how i feel to people. it�s a big problem of mine, honestly. i avoid conflict at most costs because i�m afraid of it, and so i don�t let many people know how i actually feel about how they�ve treated me or something they�ve done.

30. my roommates tell me that when it comes to boyfriends, i have very low standards. i like to think it�s because i�m stupidly willing to give most anyone a chance� ugh.

31. stress causes me to get physically sick sometimes. i�ve gotten a lot better at monitoring that, though.

32. i really love to wear dresses.

33. my favorite tv show is how I met your mother.

34. i love the books the great gatsby, lolita, and any short story written by raymond carver.

35. i write short stories� or, at least, i try to.

36. i�m relatively disappointed in the way i live my life sometimes. it is too much consumed with the internet instead of reading for relaxation or studying (though honestly, the fact that i can let myself relax without doing something scholarly is an improvement nowadays).

37. i like alcohol, but i didn�t even start drinking until the summer after i turned twenty-one.

38. i�ve never done drugs.

39. i have five brothers. no sisters.

40. i wish i had the drive to teach myself several languages. i�d love to be fluent in French, Spanish, and Italian.

41. i know how to play the piano. i was in the pit in marching band in high school.

42. i watch a lot of tv specials about serial killers and other murderous people. it�s just terribly interesting to me. my brothers think that�s weird.

43. i�m a student manager at the cafeteria i work in.

44. during the summer, i manage a ball park concession stand.

45. i don�t know what i�m going to do once i graduate. i may go to grad school, or take a year off, or just try to find a job.

46. i�m terrified that if i don�t go to grad school, my family will think of me as a failure. after all, i am the �smart� one in my family.

47. i would love to learn how to play soccer.

48. i do love playing racquetball.

49. i�m not very competitive, unless it�s with myself.

50. i�m not very good at pushing myself.

51. however, i do have a very all-or-nothing personality.

52. also, my personality is slightly (very) obsessive. this can be both good and bad.

53. i�m not religious. when i was about nine or ten years old, i went to a sleepover. everyone was Baptist (i was raised catholic). they told me that because i was catholic, i was going to hell. i honestly didn�t care much for religion after that.

54. i�m not as interested in politics as i wish i were.

55. i typically find the emotional part of a relationship more important that the sexual. this may be, however, due to the fact that i have never had a good sex life.

56. i�ve only ever slept with one person.

57. i have come to realize that i generally only like my hair if it is very short or very long.

58. i never asked to be put on birth control. my senior year of high school, i came home from school and my mom told me, �you�re going to the doctor and i�m putting you on birth control.� oddly, i think that it was what actually made me have sex earlier.

59. when my mother found out that i wasn�t a virgin anymore, she said, �i actually thought you�d be the one not to do that right out of high school.� i felt horrible about myself and very guilty for weeks.

60. it takes me a while to warm up to people, but i�ve gotten a lot better about it.

61. i have self-destructive tendencies, i think.

62. i have been cussing a lot more recently. i never used to because it made me feel awkward.

63. i really, really love to sleep. it helps that i have a queen size memory foam mattress� which is heaven.

64. if i am mentally drained, i can�t get anything done. might as well go to sleep.

65. i�m bad at spending money on myself, but i�ve relaxed a lot more about it.

66. i love to be on a schedule. if i didn�t have my daily planner, i�d go insane.

67. i�ve always been scared of getting in trouble, with anyone.

68. i think I�m very much a people pleaser.

69. i am not very comfortable when people i don�t know very well start to spill out their whole entire lives to me. i don�t understand because it happens to me a lot.

70. however, if the people i am close to want to tell me things, i try to be an excellent listener. i love knowing things about people.

71. i prefer to take my showers in the morning.

72. i also take very quick showers. they very rarely last more than ten minutes, unless it�s cold and i don�t want to step out for that reason.

73. i dislike when people misspell things. also, if in a professional setting someone sends an email littered with misspellings or grammatical errors.

74. i rarely wear makeup. that�s funny, because i�m wearing it now.

75. i need to be around people a lot more than i need solitude.

76. i try hard to make the people around me happy.

77. i severely dislike negativity. especially if someone can�t see the good about anything. it will drive me up the wall.

78. my good friends make fun of the way i talk because i have a pretty obvious southern accent.

79. i laugh a lot. at most things. it�s just how i deal with generally anything that happens to me.

80. i used to want to have five children. that is definitely not the case anymore.

81. my views on marriage and love and relationships have changed a lot in the past year. i am still very open to letting myself get hurt for the sake of trying, but the idea of marriage scares me now.

82. i�m book smart, but lack common sense.

83. my legs fall asleep a lot.

84. i graduated third in my class in high school. i�ve always prided myself on good grades.

85. i really like the numbers seven and eleven, and not because they rhyme.

86. i listen to music (or watch dr. horrible) while doing just about anything, especially homework though.

87. i�m working on the fact that i hold grudges.

88. i�m a pretty boring gal to be honest, but i don�t mind.

89. i really want to return to Europe sometime soon. i don't want to be someone who only had those adventures in college.

90. i love pasta and breakfast foods. they�re my favorite.

91. the longest i�ve ever driven is from central Kentucky to North Carolina. It was a horrible nine hour drive. I was sick for the last three hours of it.

92. i dislike the fact that i never really confront people about how they�ve hurt me. i would go back and do these things if i could, i believe.

93. one of my first real boyfriends cheated on me. it hasn�t affected me much though.

94. my relationship with eric, my ex fianc�, was truly bad. it amazes me that i allowed myself to stay in such an unhappy place for such a long time.

95. i�m yawning a lot right now but it�s only eight:twenty on a Friday night, and i�ve got to go to my friend�s engagement party in forty minutes. le sigh.

96. i really want to learn how to drive a stick shift.

97. i think i'm attracted to people that i can help in some way. that's annoying, don't be like me. it's not a good trait to have. you end up with people you can't fix.

98. for some reason, i think because of the sauce, i don't really like pizza. i prefer cheesesticks.

99. i am tired quite, quite often.

100. i understand that i write in this silly diary entirely too much.


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