in which i list one hundred things about myself
2010-07-10 | 10:46 p.m.

edited february 20, 2012.

1. my personality type is ESFJ, but i only favor extroversion by 1 point, and i only favor feeling by 1 point. it makes sense to me because of the inner conflicts i haveÖ

2. iím an aquarius. my birthday is the day before valentineís. iím twenty-two now.

3. i can generally see both sides of any argument. it makes it difficult to take a side on anything.

4. i get really engrossed in books and movies.

5. my username is from avett brothers song, ďthe weight of lies.Ē the lyrics go make sure she knows you love her well, but donít make any other promises.

6. i have had several, several other diaries, as well as livejournals and written journals. i donít know if that makes me obsessive or restless or just silly.

7. i was engaged to someone i dated for four years. i ended it.

8. my favorite band is the beatles, but close runners up are weezer, the mountain goats, death cab for cutie, and the avett brothers.

9. i only really like to drink water, orange juice, and mountain dew.

10. iím graduating from undergrad in may. thatís terrifying to me.

11. i used to think that i had this deep inner desire for a ďplot twistĒ in my own life. i realize now thatís only because i was terribly unhappy at that point in my life.

12. i enjoy running.

13. i feel like oftentimes i have ďchronic dissatisfaction.Ē

14. thatís from one of my favorite movies, vicky cristina barcelona. i also love away we go, 500 days of summer, and help!.

15. iím honestly a very happy person. iím optimistic about most things in my life and i try terribly hard to find the good in everyone and every situation.

16. i really like pillows. body pillows are my favorite though. i wish i had oneÖ

17. my feet hurt more than anything else on my body. i really wish that i had someone to give me foot massages before i go to sleep.

18. i have the best living situation I could ask for. i live in a gorgeous house with four of the best people i know (kayley, matt, erin, and cat). i got lucky, honestly.

19. i havenít had a real ďbest friend,Ē but i am lucky enough to have a circle of wonderful people who love and accept me and try their damndest to make me happy. thatís more than enough and itís more than i deserve.

20. i know how to write and read pretty basic French. if i had to get myself around in a French speaking country, i could, but iím bad at conversational French.

21. iíve been to france! i also studied abroad in London last summer. it was an amazing experience.

22. i really love vanilla ice cream.

23. i also love for someone to touch my shoulders. i evidently carry a lot of tension there.

24. i honestly love to be close enough to people that iím comfortable with actually touching them. i am very affectionate when people let me be. 25. iím cold a lot of the time, but i love the cold and winter.

26. i have to wear socks to bed most of the time or itís difficult for me to fall asleep.

27. i wear glasses and i think i look strange without them. i tried contacts when i was sixteen and hated them. glasses have always suited me more anyhow.

28. iím ridiculously terrified of spiders.

29. i am working on expressing how i feel to people. itís a big problem of mine, honestly. i avoid conflict at most costs because iím afraid of it, and so i donít let many people know how i actually feel about how theyíve treated me or something theyíve done.

30. my roommates tell me that when it comes to boyfriends, i have very low standards. i like to think itís because iím stupidly willing to give most anyone a chanceÖ ugh.

31. stress causes me to get physically sick sometimes. iíve gotten a lot better at monitoring that, though.

32. i really love to wear dresses.

33. my favorite tv show is how I met your mother.

34. i love the books the great gatsby, lolita, and any short story written by raymond carver.

35. i write short storiesÖ or, at least, i try to.

36. iím relatively disappointed in the way i live my life sometimes. it is too much consumed with the internet instead of reading for relaxation or studying (though honestly, the fact that i can let myself relax without doing something scholarly is an improvement nowadays).

37. i like alcohol, but i didnít even start drinking until the summer after i turned twenty-one.

38. iíve never done drugs.

39. i have five brothers. no sisters.

40. i wish i had the drive to teach myself several languages. iíd love to be fluent in French, Spanish, and Italian.

41. i know how to play the piano. i was in the pit in marching band in high school.

42. i watch a lot of tv specials about serial killers and other murderous people. itís just terribly interesting to me. my brothers think thatís weird.

43. iím a student manager at the cafeteria i work in.

44. during the summer, i manage a ball park concession stand.

45. i donít know what iím going to do once i graduate. i may go to grad school, or take a year off, or just try to find a job.

46. iím terrified that if i donít go to grad school, my family will think of me as a failure. after all, i am the ďsmartĒ one in my family.

47. i would love to learn how to play soccer.

48. i do love playing racquetball.

49. iím not very competitive, unless itís with myself.

50. iím not very good at pushing myself.

51. however, i do have a very all-or-nothing personality.

52. also, my personality is slightly (very) obsessive. this can be both good and bad.

53. iím not religious. when i was about nine or ten years old, i went to a sleepover. everyone was Baptist (i was raised catholic). they told me that because i was catholic, i was going to hell. i honestly didnít care much for religion after that.

54. iím not as interested in politics as i wish i were.

55. i typically find the emotional part of a relationship more important that the sexual. this may be, however, due to the fact that i have never had a good sex life.

56. iíve only ever slept with one person.

57. i have come to realize that i generally only like my hair if it is very short or very long.

58. i never asked to be put on birth control. my senior year of high school, i came home from school and my mom told me, ďyouíre going to the doctor and iím putting you on birth control.Ē oddly, i think that it was what actually made me have sex earlier.

59. when my mother found out that i wasnít a virgin anymore, she said, ďi actually thought youíd be the one not to do that right out of high school.Ē i felt horrible about myself and very guilty for weeks.

60. it takes me a while to warm up to people, but iíve gotten a lot better about it.

61. i have self-destructive tendencies, i think.

62. i have been cussing a lot more recently. i never used to because it made me feel awkward.

63. i really, really love to sleep. it helps that i have a queen size memory foam mattressÖ which is heaven.

64. if i am mentally drained, i canít get anything done. might as well go to sleep.

65. iím bad at spending money on myself, but iíve relaxed a lot more about it.

66. i love to be on a schedule. if i didnít have my daily planner, iíd go insane.

67. iíve always been scared of getting in trouble, with anyone.

68. i think Iím very much a people pleaser.

69. i am not very comfortable when people i donít know very well start to spill out their whole entire lives to me. i donít understand because it happens to me a lot.

70. however, if the people i am close to want to tell me things, i try to be an excellent listener. i love knowing things about people.

71. i prefer to take my showers in the morning.

72. i also take very quick showers. they very rarely last more than ten minutes, unless itís cold and i donít want to step out for that reason.

73. i dislike when people misspell things. also, if in a professional setting someone sends an email littered with misspellings or grammatical errors.

74. i rarely wear makeup. thatís funny, because iím wearing it now.

75. i need to be around people a lot more than i need solitude.

76. i try hard to make the people around me happy.

77. i severely dislike negativity. especially if someone canít see the good about anything. it will drive me up the wall.

78. my good friends make fun of the way i talk because i have a pretty obvious southern accent.

79. i laugh a lot. at most things. itís just how i deal with generally anything that happens to me.

80. i used to want to have five children. that is definitely not the case anymore.

81. my views on marriage and love and relationships have changed a lot in the past year. i am still very open to letting myself get hurt for the sake of trying, but the idea of marriage scares me now.

82. iím book smart, but lack common sense.

83. my legs fall asleep a lot.

84. i graduated third in my class in high school. iíve always prided myself on good grades.

85. i really like the numbers seven and eleven, and not because they rhyme.

86. i listen to music (or watch dr. horrible) while doing just about anything, especially homework though.

87. iím working on the fact that i hold grudges.

88. iím a pretty boring gal to be honest, but i donít mind.

89. i really want to return to Europe sometime soon. i don't want to be someone who only had those adventures in college.

90. i love pasta and breakfast foods. theyíre my favorite.

91. the longest iíve ever driven is from central Kentucky to North Carolina. It was a horrible nine hour drive. I was sick for the last three hours of it.

92. i dislike the fact that i never really confront people about how theyíve hurt me. i would go back and do these things if i could, i believe.

93. one of my first real boyfriends cheated on me. it hasnít affected me much though.

94. my relationship with eric, my ex fiancť, was truly bad. it amazes me that i allowed myself to stay in such an unhappy place for such a long time.

95. iím yawning a lot right now but itís only eight:twenty on a Friday night, and iíve got to go to my friendís engagement party in forty minutes. le sigh.

96. i really want to learn how to drive a stick shift.

97. i think i'm attracted to people that i can help in some way. that's annoying, don't be like me. it's not a good trait to have. you end up with people you can't fix.

98. for some reason, i think because of the sauce, i don't really like pizza. i prefer cheesesticks.

99. i am tired quite, quite often.

100. i understand that i write in this silly diary entirely too much.

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