i guess i didn't really expect to feel this way.
2011-07-03 | 11:40 a.m.
i have a tendency to daydream and the other day i was doing just that, about the next time i have a boyfriend. and then it all crashed because the next this that came into my head was some guy telling me how awesome i am but how he can't date me because i'm too fat, because i'm not good enough.
and i get that if i met someone like that, then they wouldn't deserve me anyway or whatever.
when you have family that puts an emphasis on being thin (even though you aren't) and tells you repeatedly that you should lose weight (that you're going to get really fat if you don't watch out) i mean, how can you escape thoughts like that?
all of my brothers and their girlfriends are fit. i was thinking, would my brothers, who are good people, ever date a girl who as as big as i am? they probably wouldn't, in all honesty.
isn't that weird? all of these people, i know, will automatically X me out because i'm not skinny. and that's not exaggeration, that's truth. everyone knows that.
i don't know. just brings me down i guess.