there was a kid, with a head full of doubt
2011-10-30 | 12:26 p.m.

i am really good at moving on. no, really, i am. i've gotten rid of almost everything that eric got me, i'm a much happier person now, and to be honest he barely crosses my mind. but just now, i found this crossword puzzle book he bought me when i moved back to murray in august. he wrote a message in it for me. it said, "I used to be cute. I actually am still the cute boy you once loved. I hope that you always remember me as the cute boy that lived to do sweet things for you. Not the boy that lost his way and messed everything up. <3 <3 <3"

this makes me sad, mostly because i do remember him as a boy who was terribly mean to me, who made me miserable and made me feel as though i didn't deserve anything better.

i wonder how he's doing.

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"I already feel like an ass for doing what I did to you anyway."

"no big deal, brian, no big deal. you've got bigger things to worry about."

"It is a big deal. You just try to blow it off like it isn't."

and then i change the subject.

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i've got the end of a busy, busy semester ahead of me. it's driving me crazy already to think about it.

i just have this awful habit of getting along with most people and i just want people to be happy. i try so hard but god damn it never really works.

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ps. the avett brothers put on a damn good show.

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