tomorrow's back to reality
2012-03-25 | 5:52 p.m.

it's my brother's birthday today. he's twenty-six years old. he moved out of the house yesterday, without telling my mom, leaving it up to my dad to spill the news.

i'm furious.

he doesn't talk to me anymore so i don't even know why i try. we really used to have an unbreakable bond. that's all gone now.

if he ends up on drugs again, i'm done. i can't do it again. i'm done.


i'm on the third hunger games book. i zoomed through the second today. it's all i've done. i'm so inexplicably drawn in to fictional characters, even if they're too perfect, even if the message is so blatantly clear, like a flashing neon sign--i can't get over the love there. i can't. it always gets me, that's all.


people drive me crazy. i want to say more but i won't. i want to punch someone but i can't. i always feel too strongly, much much too strongly for those who i feel have been wronged.


this friday, i drank too much vodka entirely too fast (thank circle of death) and ended up sick within a couple of hours. i've never been sick from alcohol. it's a horrible feeling, knowing that you're the one who ingested the poison, that you caused it. but what i got out of it was good, i think. recognition of the fact that i have people who will take care of me. people who will bring me a bowl to puke in (still disgusting), who will sit with me in the bathroom floor while i attempt to nibble at a cracker, who will put me in bed and even ask if i want to take my earrings out.

i'm honestly a lucky girl. i don't think i say that enough.

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