so scared to be alone
28.05.12 | 10:19 pm

i have never "made love" to anyone. i have fucked, but there was never any emotional connection there... (it wouldn't be, i suppose, if i always felt as though it were forced, as though it were my "duty" as a decent girlfriend--there was never any effort made to have me enjoy it, unfortunately [and that's my sex life in a nutshell, oh, la].)

sometimes i lie in bed and hope that someone, someday, will change that.

forgive me--i know my faults. i fall fast and i fall hard, and a part of me is reserved about that fact and another part of me is proud that i'm always willing to give "love" (in its many senses of the word) a chance.

be nice to me and i fall in love with you. it's a terrible habit if nothing else. but it's better this way, i think, in the long run. one can only hope.

(at night i miss someone sleeping beside me, hearing their breathing, feeling their chest rise and fall, that closeness i haven't felt in so long, or perhaps i've never felt at all...)

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