it's a sign.
24.06.12 | 10:06 pm
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getting drunk with your family and dancing on your back porch is the best kind of drunk.
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you should watch Jeff Who Lives At Home.
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i told a friend today that i've tried my way of living with my view of the world, but it obviously doesn't work and so i ought to just go with the flow. (watching that movie makes me think again for .2 seconds; john ryan said jeff reminded him of me because "you get excited about the stupidest shit.")
but that whole conversation was in reference to the fact that i ought to lose weight, and the big deal there is the fact that it's for the rest of the world and not for me at all.
no one is ever going to love me again if i don't, if you get the gist.
the world operates with attractiveness being a more important attribute than kindness or intellectual capabilities, and it's unfortunate but people are attracted to you initially at least based on what you look like.
except for me. why must i go against the grain?
i dated eric for four goddamn years and he ranged between 280-300 lbs. for 75% of the time we dated and it never even bothered me.
i am attracted to people who i think seem smart or have an interesting view of the world.
but none of those people are attracted to me because i'm not pretty.
and that's fine.
and i guess i'm going to do something about it.
but it's really, really sad if i'm honest. and i try really hard to be honest.