02.07.12 | 10:08 pm

46 applications and not even a call.

it seems that (i almost said lately here, but actually, it's more like all of the time) i have a tendency to identify myself as a failure.

my biggest failure, of course, was my relationship: the four years i worked my hardest toward, that still fell apart in my hands. and for a long time, i blamed myself: surely it was my fault and i was the failure because it wasn't working.

that wasn't the case, obviously, but i digress.

i rarely focus on my accomplishments. on the fact that i've already had two management jobs. on the fact that i was chosen to be the managing editor for our literary journal. on the fact that i graduated with honors and summa cum laude. on the fact i got into graduate school.

instead it turns into: because of those jobs, i'll only ever work in food service. the notations internship was good but not good enough. no one in the real world cares that i graduated with honors. going to grad school will only bring me debt.

i have to make a change of heart. mind. something. something's gotta change.

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