recent developments (except not)
02.08.12 | 9:12 pm

things i've known about myself for a while, but have come up recently:

1. it is incredibly easy to make me nervous and/or anxious. this especially occurs when i'm around people in groups i'm not particularly close to.

2. i have an enormous heart and when i love things, i love them so much that i want everyone around me to love them also (which causes the opposite effect at times).

3. i have very little self confidence. i fight with myself about this a lot. some days (like everyone else) i love myself and i can see the good in everything i do: the fact that i try to make other people happy even if i'm cripplingly sad, etc. however, when placed in new situations (like a new job), i take every mistake as a complete and total failure. not good for my state of mind.

4. the peerce cousins came over last night and when matthew made a comment about me not being in school this semester (which came as a surprise to reece, tyler, and dustin) i became inexplicably embarrassed. not being in school and only working a job that pays $8.50 an hour is embarrassing to me. should it be? my family i'm supposed to be the "smart" one who always "does the right thing." i feel like i've failed them.

5. i'm sad. i'm really, really sad. and not acknowledging that makes it worse. talking is helpful.

6. i feel like i have no groove to get back into. this makes me unproductive and lazy.

7. more than anything right now i want to meet someone who enjoys the same things as i do and is as unapologetic about it as i wish i could be.

8. i have a very strong urge to write.

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