i'm so tired, i'm feelin' so upset
20.02.13 | 10:38 am

when did this diary turn into "things matt adams says to me and how that makes me feel"?


i'm sad lately but i think it's stress. it's odd that i find myself looking more and more forward to talking to you at night, to telling you about my entire day, to listening to you talk about yours.

my brother called me and asked, "have you seen the bonnaroo lineup?" to which i enthusiastically replied, "PAUL MCCARTNEY" and which he repeated. when he asked if i wanted to go with him, i told him i didn't have the funds. he offered to pay for my ticket.

this is bad and good in so many ways.

and last night i just wanted to tell you about that and why it's bad and why it's good and how i'm certain he doesn't have that kind of money and maybe it's his way of making up to me about stealing from me so long ago but how can he even afford to pay for anything important when all he seems to do is buy drugs?

would you understand?


tonight i will tell you that story, i will tell you about my plans for spring break, about how i will be in your area if all goes accordingly, and maybe, maybe i will tell you i am sad, maybe i will tell you how this is making me feel and how when you say this so simple like "i know you" that it kills me and i don't know how to process it because i still can't tell and still can't convince myself that this is anything at all.

<< | >>