golf+dad snoring
16.06.13 | 1:23 pm

i went to alex and brandon's wedding last night and i thought it was beautiful, just like i think all weddings are, but now they remind me of you and how you asked me to dance and i was so surprised at how sweet you were and it amazes me how well john and dacia thought we would be together and how now...well.

well if nothing else, i wore the most beautiful dress i own and hung out with my friends and drank wine.

sometimes i think that people in general are not interested in me and then i remember from nights like last night that people are interested, it's just that i'm not.

i miss you in a weird, changing way but i am a lot happier than i've been in a while. it was a tough semester with a lot of stress and emotional ups and downs and now that i've had a chance to really catch my breath, it doesn't seem so bad. i held on to you tight and you did the same to me and we are both in a better position to loosen that grip or let go altogether.


i think sometimes about where i will be in a year and a half (when i graduate with my masters). where will i want to move? back home? go abroad for a year? a different state? a big city?

right now my favorite choice is nashville, but we will see about that when the time comes.

the point being, i think sometimes it would be nice to have someone to follow or to follow me, but more than anything i like the thought of having the freedom to go wherever the hell i want.

i get stuck thinking my life hasn't started or isn't as good as someone else's, but that's ridiculous because i am here, i am living my life in the way i want to, and i may not be able to do all the things i desire but i am doing the best i can with what i've got and that's what matters. just because i am not in the same position as many of my friends does not make me lesser.

these things seem obvious, you know, but i really have to remind myself or i'll forget them.


i used a different toothbrush from the one i've had for over a year yesterday and the bristles were soft and so much easier on me and i just stood there brushing my teeth forever because it felt so nice.

sometimes you need that.


i only wish i had the validation of knowing that you loved me a little bit, at some point, too.

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