icy-hot feels cool
03.09.13 | 9:13 pm

i took the muscle relaxer and woke up with my back very sore, but at least no sharp pain. i took a super duper strength ibuprofen that evidently makes you drowsy and i've been zombielike all day.

i'm so tired that i think if i kept my eyes closed for ten seconds i'd fall asleep, but i haven't even started on my homework for tomorrow.

right now i have an icy-hot patch on my back and it is very soothing and i'm still going to take a muscle relaxer in a couple of hours. it knocked me out at 9:30 last night so i'm going to be taking it a bit later.

i feel... out of place.

all morning i felt terrible: tired, achy, unwanted, unqualified, a whole myriad of bad feelings. i wanted to come here and write about that but i'm too tired.

i don't feel like being in school anymore. i thought all day about how much i'd like to quit. that i'm not good enough or motivated enough or interested enough to keep going.

but i guess people keep going.

i have always been dissatisfied. eric used to tell me that it was impossible to make me happy. i used to think that was because of him but more and more i recognize that it's just how i am.

i don't know how to make it stop.

all i want to do is hide in my bed forever.

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