downs after dark
08.09.13 | 10:34 pm
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matthew told me from across the table that i make poor life decisions and am decidedly unlucky in life (which is actually the opposite of how i view my life). he also made us all discuss my relationship/lack thereof with matt adams.
except for my dream the other night, i have been perfectly fine about all of this. i know it takes me a long time to get over things, but that's just how i am.
but then everyone started dissecting it.
"do you still talk to him every day?"
no.
"how often?"
four or five days a week.
"that's more often than you talk to all of us."
and then, further:
"you still love him."
no i don't. i can't love someone who is in colorado while i'm in kentucky. it's impossible.
"but you do."
but i don't.
i did.
but i don't.
and if i think of it now, it's a good thing nothing was ever possible to begin with because lord knows i would've been unhappy. (i am unhappy with everything.) but he's so unlike anything i want.
i don't tell him as much anymore.
but he still calls me often on his 30 minute drive home, and as i've been taking muscle relaxers, it wakes me up and we have a groggy conversation i can't remember in the morning.
except last night i remember him telling me how he'll come here to visit me while he's in kentucky.
i don't remember what the point of any of this was.
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i think matthew was trying to set me up with josh collins, a nice probably 30-year-old former spanish teacher turned law student. he kept finding ways for us to sit together and talk about wku.
yes, matthew, that's what i need: to be set up with someone who lives two hours away and is seven years my senior. even if he is impossibly nice.
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i know it's awful to say but oh i wish i could take a muscle relaxer every night forever because i've never had such restful, perfect sleep in my life.