just reminiscin'
16.12.13 | 10:15 pm

last year, my new year's resolution was to be kinder to myself. all in all, i think i actually accomplished that.


i've been thinking tonight about my summer of 2011 and how i felt then. everything seemed so new, so exciting--i had this entire new life ahead of me that i had been missing out on for four years.

i want to feel like that again, but i think it would take me up and moving away.


whenever people find out now that i have a boyfriend and he lives in colorado, one of their first questions is, "oh, are you going to move out there?" my parents keep making fun of me and telling me i'm going to quit grad school and move there. i keep telling them they're thinking way too far ahead.


it is really funny how life works out. i remember meeting matt for the first time at kari's twenty-first birthday party, how he tried to lick my face and how ridiculous and cute i thought he was but also a complete nutcase.

then at kari's wedding...john and dacia warned me that they had told some boy to hit on me with community references. i said to them, "oh boy, if that happens i'm just gonna be like, pleeeease be my best friend." when matt came up to introduce himself to me, john interrupted and said, "have you done it yet?" matt said, "i'm about to," and did the whole abed-trying-to-be-a-vampire-to-hit-on-a-girl and i just laughed and went in a circle and laughed. and i liked that he remembered me.

when john and dacia got up to dance, he looked at me and said, "let's go," with this hint of a question. as he put his hand on my hip, i told him i was a terrible dancer. but we got into the rhythm and i remember the sweet, sweet smile he had when he closed his eyes and said, "there, that's not so bad."

it's so strange, the way i was always saying, "he will move past me and i'll just be this strange girl he danced with at a wedding once."

the way we talk to each other now is cute because it's so much easier to be candid about how much we like each other.

i really just want to be in colorado already.


i want to be here by myself and drink some wine and feel fuzzy and happy.


the still-constant theme is that i never know what i'm doing, but sometimes i am so damn okay with that.

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