21.01.14 | 7:02 pm

matt tells me that all of his friends down in mky are so excited to meet me, the first girl that they have known that he has actually dated. the boy's twenty-five years old and i'm his first actual girlfriend.

and tonight, in my house all alone, rewatching the saddest episodes of girls, all i can think is: what is it about me that makes me special? why am i the first girl he's ever actually tried to be with? even though i'm states away? what is so special about me?

the past couple of days have been kind of a tailspin. those days where nothing you do is right, and all you can think about is your worthlessness and how nothing is going to go right for the upcoming semester.

i don't know what he sees in me.

i could write you a list for the reasons i like him. for valentine's day i've already made him these fourteen stupid, punny valentines in ms paint that are ridiculous and totally my style that i hope that he will like. i am his first valentine, you know, for real. i want it to be good.

how does anyone pick anyone? and how does anyone get so lucky to like someone the same moment that person likes them?

i don't know, but now it;'s 10:30 and i'm drunk and have to catch a plane in the morning to be a bridesmaid in a wedding for a friend i never thought would get married.

so life goes.

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