there's no privacy in this house.
11.07.14 | 3:01 pm

i cried on the phone with matt on his way to work today and john ryan came into the room once and then dad heard me crying and came in and asked me what was wrong, tell him about it, and i just said i'm fine i'm fine please leave i'm on the phone go away.

then after matt had to go to work (thirty minutes early--i mistakenly assumed he called me earlier to talk to me longer), i came back in the living room and dad asked if i was okay and still with tears rolling down my cheeks i said, "it's just hard when your boyfriend lives 1,000 miles away from you." and it is.

sleeping in my baby brother's bed is awful, i can feel the springs all over my body and i wake up often and toss and turn and then sleep late and feel awful forever.

plus, i'm sick. i have this stupid head cold thing and i've had it all week and it's miserable. so exhausted and achy all over and my head wants to explode.

i'm so embarrassed. i can't even explain it, i just cry and crying annoys or frustrates people and everyone hates it and i've always known that which is why i hate crying around anyone.

all i am going to do is stay on this couch wrapped up in this cover and watch stupid wedding shows because i'll probably never even get married and get all teary eyed at everything and be sad forever today, the end.

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