i don't know
31.08.14 | 8:38 pm

i'm basically the worst.

so, i've been thinking.

while we're on vacation and are actually together.

well, i've just been thinking, about these issues and ideas and concerns that we should really go over and discuss.

you know,

even putting it on here is scary.

and i don't know how to bring this up to him, because it sounds bad.

but i want to go over these things in case i do really move to colorado.

i have rushed into things before. i have been engaged, moved in with someone so quickly.

i don't want anything like that to happen to me again.

i really don't.

and i am, for the most part, okay with the idea of colorado, of being there.

does any of this make sense?

i want to make sure we are on the same page with all of these big issues, you know, before i move across the country.

how am i going to be able to explain this without sounding like i have zero faith in the relationship

without sounding like i am scared


i don't know.

i don't want to make it sound like i am rushing through things, either, trying to talk about things that aren't going to come up for years.

so on the one hand i am worried about seeming too serious somehow and on the other i am worried about seeming like i am freaking out.

i'm just trying to talk myself through it.

i feel weird today and i've done nothing productive this weekend--drank wine, taught my family how to play cards against humanity, been hanging out today.

i am freaking myself out about this for no good reason, i think.

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