headaches fuh'dayzzzzzzzzz
06.03.15 | 2:16 pm
but then
like fuck, i really just want to be pretty sometimes.
(prettier?)
--
i started keeping track of my eating again and have put forth a constant effort for exercise
but i've had this massive headache for two days straight
and i think it's from changing my habits
and it hurts so bad
but i just want to lose 10 lbs before i am in this stupid wedding this summer at least, man
they're like three and a half and four months away which is plenty, plenty of time
--
i try so hard to look at my body positively and sometimes i stand in front of the mirror and i truly love how i look, even my stupidly asymmetrical face
and then most of the time i hate everything about myself
like how my body folds over or won't stretch in certain ways
i love how good it feels in downward facing dog and hate how suffocating it can feel in child's pose
and i am lucky to have someone to consistently find me sexy, regardless, a sexy and fun personality and looking hot if i want to (or don't maybe)
but i am so tired of not loving myself fully
--
i keep telling myself, it's only 20 more lbs, it's only 30 more lbs
you lost over 20 last year, really just in six months, why can't you do that again?
why can't i just do that again?