weekend to myself
19.11.15 | 9:04 pm

my boyfriend is down in nashville at a bachelor party right now. he won't be home until sunday, so i have the apartment all to myself (except for the two dogs). i thought maybe i'd do something fun, but i just stretched, ate dinner, and i've been watching documentaries on netflix.

i wanted to take this weekend to think about what it would be like if i were alone, but all it seems like is that it would be really boring.

it's hard to think about breaking up with someone when they're the nicest ever to you and who actually really, really loves you. there are so many bad things about our relationship but also so, so many good ones. how can you break up with someone who hasn't done anything wrong?

today, i was just thinking - what if he somehow cheated on me while at the bachelor party? that would be the best excuse!

and now the world knows how terrible i am.

our relationship hasn't been this smooth ever, and now it's nice to come home and hug someone and have them keep you warm at night. but he's just not what i want.

my crush on my student is finally starting to subside. i was crushing on him because he speaks english, spanish, and french, is very nice, and wanted to talk to me all of the time. he's going to grad school for special education.

it made me think about how much i want someone with ambition, someone who does more than work, play video games, and her high.

matt does more than that, i know. it's not fair of me to act like he doesn't.

it's barely 9:30, but i'm probably going to bed soon. what else is new.

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