it's cold here
27.11.15 | 10:05 am

two nights ago, matt came home from work and for two hours, i cried and told him, "i'm not happy. no matter what i'm doing here, i'm not happy. and if you're this nice and wonderful to me and i'm still not happy, something's wrong."

at some point he said, "it sounds like you're breaking up with me," and i honestly responded, "i don't know."

he told me that i shouldn't let him, or my job, or an apartment keep me in any place. that if i want to go anywhere else, i should. it was helpful. he said, we could still get the apartment and if i left in a month, six months, a year, that would be fine.

now, since then, he's been even nicer. talking about the future. talking about our apartment.

but i'm moving farther and farther away from it. i feel terrible but something isn't right.

is it colorado? is it my job? is it my boyfriend? what?

should i go to another country? should i go home? should i move into denver and keep working until i figure it out?

there are too many questions i have to answer.
my brain is tired.

i had my first thanksgiving without my family and i suppose i survived. i don't know.

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