a bunch of shit
01.04.16 | 7:43 pm

i think maybe i'm sad.

went to my work's happy hour tonight. it was fun, but i'm the youngest there by at least ten years, so of course there's a gap. i feel like a child in comparison.

but i love my job. today, my kids played cute april fool's jokes on me. they did such a great job "translating" act 2 scene 1 of othello. i love my job, despite how exhausted i feel.

this week, i couldn't sleep. began drinking nyquil to lull myself to sleep.


i have been so adult in washing my face and brushing my teeth each night. my skin looks better. i don't know. it doesn't amount to much.

i just want to be at the party from last week again. i want to salsa dance all night long and i want to feel confident again that i could exist on my own.

whatever, prom is next saturday and fixer upper season 2 is on netflix.

you have no idea how nice to me he is.


i wish i were creative anymore. i've been craving playing piano, writing stories, playing racquetball, hiking. jesus christ, anything other than fucking watching tv for endless hours. let me read, let me walk my dogs, let me do yoga, but jesus, get me out of this room.

help me get there. inspire me to do something again. to be even slightly interesting.

take spanish classes. take dance lessons. go to trivia. come on.


i don't want to feel like i have to drink to like kissing you. god damn, i used to love it. how when did it even change??? it's these terrible pecks or these terrible mouth sucking overtaking kisses. what the fuck happened.

sincerely i don't think i can enjoy sex sober anymore. i think too much about the bad kissing, about how there's never enough foreplay. never trying to rev me up beforehand. things we've talked about but never come into play.

probably feels the same way somehow.


on easter, we went to his family's, his sister's house. they are so fucking sweet to me.

he should be home by now but he's trying to find me buncha crunch.

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