17.05.16 | 5:37 pm

this morning on the way to work, drowsy from taking nyquil at 2:30am when i couldn't sleep, i kind of broke down thinking about how difficult the last year and a half has been.

i feel like i have backslid in terms of how i deal with things. in kentucky, i had a wide circle of people i could turn to. sure, i still internalized most of my struggles, but there were always others to talk to or sit with or just generally be with.

here, i've been mostly alone for so long. it's caused me to turn to drinking more alcohol than i should, bingeing on food, or generally treating myself terribly. and i constantly rely on the idea that things will be slightly better in the future (like when i go home this summer).

it's not good. i know it's not good.

i don't know how to change it.

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