30.05.16 | 11:54 am

i am literally insane. i am a crazy person. matt and i got into another minor argument that devolved into "i can't do this" and into "we are on a break" and into me driving 1100 miles back home.

no matter what choice i make, it feels wrong.

all i can think about is hugging him outside of my car, crying as he said, "go figure out what makes you happy."

i know everything is difficult but i love him and all i keep doing is hurting him over and over.

the entire drive i literally just went back and forth on all my decisions. it was cruel of me to just leave, but i felt like it was necessary. now i just wan to be at home with molly and emma with my feet on matt while i am playing Stardew valley.

it was cruel because he has family from texas coming in june 11-14 and i couldn't wait until then to leave. and now i am looking up plane tickets so i don't miss it.

it is oppressively hot here.

emma went crazy when we got here. she hadn't been in this house in 1.5 years, and she whined and cried and when addi came out, she went crazier.

i literally hate everything. this isn't normal, right? i am happy to be home but consumed with the fact that i should have just waited. i could have waited.

all i want to do is talk to matt. i am a terrible, horrible, awful person.

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