terrible week
06.04.17 | 6:31 pm

i am getting spring fever and it probably won't be a good thing. it feels like last year. and the day of prom was the day i first broke up with matt. prom is saturday.

we are having sex about once (maybe twice) a month. we have talked about this (or I should say i have brought it up and we've discussed and nothing has come of it). i feel ugly and gross and undesirable because of it but when he touches me i recoil.

i want to go home. i want to be around my friends and family.

i sent messages to some friends and started tweeting out into the ether so that maybe someone would realize i am freaking out today but it's not working.

it's been such a long week and it's going to be longer still and i have so much to do for work that my stomach physically hurts and i've had two migraines in the last week and my work computer broke and i just want to drink wine and cry.

i cried in bed the other night and told matt that i never ever feel special.

i am so anxious walking the dogs now because i am somehow convinced that there is always going to be a dog waiting to run up and attack us. it is literally on my mind the whole time - every time i see someone, every time i hear footsteps or rustling or a dog barking.

i will probably not find a job in kentucky.

the rent at our apartment is going up to $1345 a month so we definitely have to move because who the fuck can afford this shit?

i just want a house or at least a backyard. i want to have friends over for a barbecue and sangria or beer or something but who would i even invite that would actually show up?

i miss my mom and dad.

i am just so tired.

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