13.09.18 | 4:34 pm

today, i am overwhelmed with the following:

1. all of the healthier choices i've been making
1a. the pressure to make even more healthier choices
(going to the chiropractor is a time commitment, and i have homework from it for my uncurved neck, and there's pressure to do better nutritionally, and i'm trying to run more but my foot hurts today, and i'm trying to do yoga every day but i'm tired, and i also need to walk emma but it's hot right now and i have class in ten minutes)
1b. today i just want to sit here and drink and not do yoga or anything, but actually i'm going to sit home and drink and watch all of bojack horseman tomorrow so i can't tonight, but also i was doing really well not really drinking much so maybe i just shouldn't drink, i don't know what i want anymore

2. all of my homework for my grad classes
2a. i love the book for one of these classes so i'm actually very invested and doing the homework well takes a while and it's making me want to rework my entire class

3. trying to brush up on my french
3a. i have some individual classes with tutors and i have duolingo and i have lawless french and it still feels like i'm not doing enough, it still feels like i'm not good enough

4. applying for this teach in france program, which is a lot of time and a lot of writing, and it's due the second week in october, and i just nearly don't have the time to do it

5. wanting to try out all sorts of new things at work in my classroom
5a. i want to do genius hour and let my students have self-directed learning about something they actually are passionate about, but it takes so much pre-planning, and what if i am bad at it, and what if it crashes and burns
5b. i am also miserably behind on grading 100% of the time
5c. i am also miserably behind on planning 100% of the time
5d. i have an observation tomorrow, and i have to schedule a different observation with the principal soon, and i have to video a lesson soon on top of that
5e. i started collaborating with a social studies teacher who is really cool and who i wanna be friends with but also it always makes me feel like i'm not good enough up against these other teachers even though we are pedagogically on the same page, i don't know
5f. no matter how many times my students tell me what they've learned or how much they enjoy my class, it literally never feels like it's enough, because there's literally always going to be a student that you can't reach or who doesn't like you, etc.

6. i should be trying to cook more, i am a trash person right now because i get fast food almost every morning for breakfast and i'm bad at nutrition forever, i am gonna eat pizza for dinner again probably

7. i should be reading more but it's hard to find the time.

this is a big long list of complaints, i'm sorry, i'm just overwhelmed and tired and i want to sleep today but i have SO MUCH I NEED TO DO that maybe i'll just sit here and cry

does it ever stop


it doesn't ever stop

and also i should be doing better for my students by like introducing different types of media (ted talks and podcasts) and i should be teaching them better skills like responsibility and organization because some kids just aren't taught those things and so many of my kids are in foster care or have to work until 2am and i'm just sad about it because i can't just bundle them up and save them all.

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