october 13
13.10.18 | 9:46 am

today is my uncle's wedding day. (he is basically an older brother because he's closer in age to us than he is to my dad). he's marrying a girl i went to school with and whom i love. it's very exciting. i've been put in charge of the music as people are walking down the aisle. hope i don't screw up.

i'm tired. kind of exhausted. i have so much to do and what feels like no time to do it. i was supposed to run last night (ended up at the rehearsal for two extra hours) and i should be doing yoga (but it's so god damn cold in this house i don't want to move).

i love weddings but lately i've been feeling worse about being alone. living in the middle of nowhere really makes dating difficult. i get it - if i lived in a city where there were tons of possibilities, i wouldn't bother with someone i'd have to drive an hour to see, either.

and then the ones who like me are basically losers because for whatever goddamn reason that's what i'm attracted to.

i've had a headache for two days. hope it's gone before the wedding.

also, each time i drink alcohol, it feels like it's going to instantly start giving me a headache. i haven't been drinking much at all.

my god, i love my niece, but i'm so exhausted when i have her. my brain just gets bogged down and can't keep up. maybe this means that i would be a terrible parent. pretty sure my mom is convinced i'll never get married or have a kid. it makes me sad, actually. i mean, maybe i'll never do those things. but i don't know, and she seems so sure.

this is just a lot of random thoughts, go figure.

it's finally fall outside which is lovely except this goddamn house is SO COLD i do not want to even MOVE for fear of losing my body heat. i hate this.

i need to go get ready for the wedding because we have to be there in two hours. sigh.

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