i guess i'll go read
12.12.18 | 6:10 pm
on the one hand, it's nice not to fret about it.
on the other hand, it feels pretty solidly in the category of deflecting all emotions and deciding i'll be on my own anyway.
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current feelings: i don't need anyone, thank you.
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oh and then my phone buzzed, heart skipped a beat.
i don't hate myself but my first over-the-top reaction is: i hate myself.
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work sucks (i know; she left me roses by the staaaaaiiiiiiiirssss...).
people keep telling me all the shit i fucked up on last year's yearbook (that i had to compile together in, like, two months, from absolutely nothing). also, a full page $200 senior ad was left out (basically my fault, i guess) and i have to deal with that tomorrow.
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i actually feel very un-feeling tonight.
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there are so many things i need to study in french.
and i've been wanting to practice spanish again (of course) and that makes me feel dumb (of course) given what the inclination comes from. so i've been holding off. because i'm an adult. obviously.
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this whole entry is trash, as the kids say.
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i should read. i could keep reading wuthering heights or start if you come softly.
all of my habits in my habit tracker have gone out the window. playing piano, reading, doing yoga, exercising, all of the things that keep me rational and sane. i've been ignoring them all.
for weeks.
i don't even think i'm in that bad of shape.
but i've been wrong before.