none of this feels worth writing down
23.12.18 | 5:42 pm

i just caught the last thirty minutes of the fifth element, a movie i've never seen before, on tv. i recognize it's not fair to judge something which i did not completely watch, and therefore did not give an actual chance, but... what in the world?

i'm intrigued enough to possibly seek it out on my own and watch it from the beginning. hm.


i've officially been dating for a year and a half now, and this caused me to pause and reflect on the people i've met who've actually had an impact on me. there are four:

chris (who followed me on instagram this morning, weirdly enough), alexander, mish, and fernando (does he even get to count yet?).

i am still in somewhat contact with chris (we text from time to time), i deleted alexander's number back in march, and i've been considering sending mish a message. i wrote it in a note on my phone and everything. but i probably won't send it. shouldn't, anyway.

not too long ago, i had a long conversation about alexander and how all of that -- very strangely -- played out. he told me, not by my prompting, that after our date, we should try to see each other as often as possible. and then he tried to ghost me. a theory a friend has suggested is him actually being very into me but possibly being freaked out by that idea, but i have my doubts. several of them.

the world owes us nothing, but sometimes people do.


i've made a lot of mistakes (too many to count, i'm sure) in regard to dating in the last year and a half. let's hope i can learn from them.


i am going back and forth on feeling as though my french is competent and realizing i will never, ever, ever in a million years be decent at it at all.


i'm sure it's due to boredom, but i sure wouldn't mind having someone to sit next to on the couch while watching the hookup plan for the third time. someone to converse quietly with. wine to share. a hand to hold.

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