14.02.19 | 5:52 pm

today (and actually on lots of days), my students were talking about how happy i always am at school. this is my morning class, so they see the best of me.

one boy said, “yeah, some days i don’t want to come to class because if i’m in a bad mood, i’m still going to have to come in and you’ll smile and say good morning to me.” and he meant it in a nice way.

“how are you so happy all the time, ms. tj?” they always ask.

and i usually say, “i just am.” but lately that has been replaced with, “it’s actually really hard to do sometimes, but i just try to do it anyway because it makes life better for me and for you all.”


i am so tired that i come home, i avoid doing yoga because it feels like it will make me cry, i avoid a lot of things because it feels like they will make me cry, i want to only lie in bed or sleep.

i feel stuck in this unfortunate cycle. i feel, for now, unable to crawl out.

i turned 29 and it felt like nothing (maybe because it is nothing). that’s okay. but it doesn’t feel like me.

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