20.02.19 | 7:49 pm

so i'm on day two of a headache, and i had to sign up about 800 kids for their english classes on their schedules for next year, and i'm having one of those nights where i feel like i'll be alone forever (in a really bad way).

last night, i had a dream that i was having an affair with my mentor teacher from grad school (a man who essentially embodies for me the perfect husband+father combo). i think my subconscious is really reaching for some stability. some consistency. some security.

i truly hate that i ache for that so badly because i know that if i actually did have it, i would find so much fault with it, and i would feel so trapped.

there is no balance there.

not with me.

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