bad day
22.03.19 | 6:28 pm

last night was a bad night.

and today has been a bad day.

and that's okay.

i had another unfortunate response on tinder. while disheartening, not as terrible as the last one.

i went to the doctor today and made a mistake, and when the doctor came in, he and the nurse just acted like i was so dumb to make this mistake, even though the nurse did not explain it to me beforehand (which is what normally happens during the regular appointment). so i just assumed it was like normal. and i got so embarrassed -- and felt like they thought i was so fucking stupid -- that i nearly cried, and actually did cry in my car. it was such a stupid thing to get embarrassed about, but i hate when people think i'm dumb, and i just legitimately didn't know because i'd never done that before!

plus, when i told the nurse before hand that i wanted to get an std test, she acted like that was super weird, like, why would i want to get that? i don't know, probably because i am a responsible adult, but whatever. i equally hate that i always feel the need to explain, "it's not because i think i have anything or have any symptoms, i just try to be safe." that is stupid, too.

small town doctors, man.

so tonight, i am going to try to be gentle to myself. i already walked emma, i flossed, i'm going to do some restorative yoga, and i'm going to go to bed early.

i feel like crawling into a ball and crying. and that's okay too.

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