nail on the head
19.08.19 | 6:38 pm

i miss the intimacy.

this always bring the time to mind where we both, unexpectedly, woke up at 3am and couldn't fall back to sleep. so we went to the grocery, bought food to make an extraordinarily decadent breakfast, and ate it while watching a favorite show on tv before we crawled back into bed and slept gloriously, entwined in each other's arms.

these days, when i wake up at 3am, i'm alone (except for my dog). i get out of bed, make some sort of snack (ramen noodles) quietly in the kitchen, come downstairs and eat it while watching youtube cooking videos of dishes i'll never make. when i fall asleep, it's usually fitfully as the sun is coming up and shining through my window.

it is lovely to feel confident and independent and on your own.

but it isn't the only thing...

is it?


a friend just told me the following:

"i think maybe the independent thing is because you actually love people so hard that you have to prove to yourself that you can do everything by yourself before you will be vulnerable because once you are, it might look like dependence when it's really just that you love them a lot."

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