27.08.19 | 8:35 pm

i keep coming here trying to write something about this past weekend.

being back in bg, surrounded by friends, it always takes me back to 2013-14 which, i'm sure i've written about before, is currently what i consider my "happiest" time for the following reasons: grad school was challenging and fulfilling, i was teaching and reading and talking about books and languages all the time, i was living with my best friend, i was very very near to a solid group of grad school friends, i was only an hour from home, i had emma.

so now, any time i am there, especially in a context which is very 2014 (a house party, in this instance, for a friend's birthday)... i just want to stay. i want that to be my permanent life.

i want to always be near my family.
i want to be able to have dinner and drink and watch trashy tv with my best friend when i want to.
i want to have wine at a party that starts at 9 (where everyone was actually there by 9!) and ends at 2 because we're old and tired now.
i want to wake up the next morning and go to brunch.
i want to run around campus and downtown again.

that time in my life felt so set and so right. and being back there, with those same people, makes me feel that way again.

i wonder if i will ever feel such a sense of community anywhere else again.

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