some initial thoughts + dreams
20.09.19 | 12:23 am

last night, sleeping in this bed in the mezzanine in my apartment in avignon, i dreamt about matt. i dreamt that i asked him if he ever cheated on me, and he laughed and said, “yes, plenty of times.” and then i asked if it had been with his coworker, and he said, “yes, we’re getting married.” there was much more to the dream than that, but i woke up feeling displaced and out of sorts, my heart nearly in my stomach. i couldn’t eat my breakfast (a combination of the heat, the dream, jet lag, i don’t know). it was so strange to really think about him for the first time in so long, and to remember that i hope he knows where i am, and i hope he’s proud of me for finally getting here.

i’m finally here.

—

my body doesn’t want to adjust to sleeping or eating times here. it’s 12:27am, but to my body it feels like 5:30pm and i’m wide awake.

on my second evening here, i set out to find some food. but french restaurants only serve food at certain hours, and sometimes they’re just bars until a certain hour, and i got so worked up and nervous about doing the wrong thing that i honestly walked around aimlessly in circles for nearly two hours, my stomach growling, until i gave up and bought something at carrefour to make at home.

today was more successful: i opened a bank account and got renter’s insurance, all with my very imperfect french.

emma and i both walked around the university and to rocher des doms, the park on a hill where you can see the entire city. she’s adjusting.

people are nice here. when i tell them i’m sorry for my poor french, they tell me they understand me completely, i’m doing fine, and oh wow i’ve only been here two days?

there will be many ups and downs.

but this is truly my adventure.

it’s all mine.

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