23.09.19 | 3:22 pm

it’s strange - i go from these moments where i feel so confident in my language skills (for example, i went on a date and talked in french for nearly five hours straight) to these moments where it seems like i know nothing (i met several teachers i will work with today and one asked the other teacher if i speak french ).

some moments are more overwhelming than others. if someone speaks a bit slowly to me, and there is context, i can do it. if it’s me knowing what information i want or need to gather, i can do it. but when people come out of nowhere with a different conversation, it’s practically like i don’t speak the language.

i told one of the teachers that i’m going to get a tutor since it’s been so long since i’ve had an actual class, and she asked if i wanted to practice. so i said yes and we had a pleasant conversation, really, in french, and she complimented my accent, and it was lovely.

things are just different. not even that different, honestly. but my stomach is on a totally different schedule. it feels impossible to eat in the morning (when i normally have to eat as soon as i wake up). i wait until 11-12 before i am sure i can hold anything down.

i’m still walking emma a lot. she hates that there are so many people, honestly, and she’s growling at the sounds they’re making outside the window right now.

this apartment is small but the perfect size.

i want to eat dinner already (it’s 3:30pm here) but no restaurants will be open, which is another thing to get used to.

but i can walk these streets knowing i’ll be going back to a place that is mine. and i can have these sweet interactions in french and english at the bakery a block away. and i can continue to meet new people who i may or may not understand.

in the future i hope to write about all of this more eloquently. i’m still a bit overwhelmed.

but i’m here.

and i’m doing it.

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