i watched season two of the end of the fucking world today
09.11.19 | 1:41 pm

i woke up at 9am this morning, my feet freezing because i'm still not sure how to work the radiator in my apartment, my voice nearly gone from being out in the cold for so long last night.

this week has been long and it feels like i haven't had time to take a breath. dinners and trips and exercise and drinks... there hasn't been a spare moment.

i often find myself quite nervous here. lacking confidence. when i'm in the car with angela and another teacher, on the way to orange to an outdoor edm concert, i stumble on my answers to her questions, and i know i go in the wrong direction but i keep talking until there's nothing left to say and we move on.

but at the dinner, with a couple of glasses of wine making my cheeks flush a bit redder (or was that the cold?), i can talk freely, i can answer questions, i can ask and further the conversation. i can participate. i can make people laugh when i can't remember the word for "middle" ("milieu") or at my pronunciation of "louisville" ("luhl-vuhl").

and when we make our way out into the cold for the music, i can bounce around and dance and not worry about what i look like. when the new song comes on, i can jump up and down and sing, "i don't care! i love it!" to my friends.

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