i am sad. french is hard.
21.12.19 | 10:03 am

i couldn’t understand my neighbor in french this morning so she had to have her boyfriend speak in english to me (to see if i could give their key to their landlord).

i have to reserve a taxi which means i have to call, and i hate talking on the phone in french because it’s so difficult for me to understand.

i am slightly terrified of the party tonight (with french people), of christmas eve dinner (with french people), because i am tired of not understanding, of feeling like an absolute fool when i need someone to repeat a simple phrase. everyone, and i mean everyone, is so much better than me, so much more advanced.

and sometimes people think i don’t understand when i do. last night as we were walking, a man asked angela and me if we spoke french (in french), and we both said no - and angela explained to me what he said. i understand “parlez vous français.”

it feels like i’m regressing. i can’t really explain why. maybe, honestly, maybe it’s just my confidence level dropping.

i just hate, so much, people thinking i’m stupid, that i can’t understand. but the truth is that a lot of the time, i can’t understand.

and i know it’s part of the process, i’m not fluent, it’s my first time living in france, yada yada, but those things don’t make me feel better.

i should just be better.

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