a night in amsterdam
29.12.19 | 8:39 am

last night i stood in a side street, smoking a joint by myself, then realized i’d smoked too much when i could barely make my legs go forward. the heart started racing as my mind suddenly thought, what if i can’t make it home? of course, one sour candy later and my heartbeat slowed, i began walking, bought a cone of fries and a coke and made my way back to my room.

it took me back to colorado, of sitting on the couch with matt, telling him i was focusing too much on my breathing, my swallowing, and too much in my head. and he’d talk me through it, distract me, hold me, whatever it took until i calmed down again.

traveling alone during the day is marvelous, but once it gets dark and it seems there’s only drinking and dancing and eating and smoking left to do...

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