last night in Amsterdam
29.12.19 | 9:12 pm

i don't have viable plans for nye yet, and that’s a bit of a bummer. i’ve been invited to a house party but it’s out of the city center (meaning i’d have to stay the night ... and leave emma all night, which i don’t want to do). i was invited by a guy on tinder to go out...but i don’t know him. i was invited to another person’s house but, again, they’re not in the city center, and it would be difficult to get home.

so now i’m trying to depressurize this for myself. if i don’t have a ~crazy~ nye, there’s nothing wrong with that. it’s okay.

my mind starting turning to these less than good thoughts about being alone — but we’ve got to reframe these, right? it’s not that i’m alone and that’s a bad thing. it’s that i have the opportunity that many people my age don’t — the opportunity to focus on myself and do exactly what i want to do.

i wanted traveling alone to be this life-changing experience, this transformative experience. and don’t get me wrong — it’s been fun. but it’s not life-changing. and i still prefer to have friends to travel with. and there’s nothing wrong with that.

i should get some sleep.

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