meet you at the statue in an hour
10.01.20 | 7:12 pm

it's unclear exactly why i'm struggling so much right now. i feel the stress crawling throughout my body and it reminds me of colorado, feeling it in my chest, itching to get out.

last night, i got drunk alone and rewatched someone great and sobbed and then made a playlist titled "like letters and sodas" (thank you, liz phair) full of songs that make me want to be in love.

tonight i'm going out with angela and graziana, and i hope that will help pull me out of whatever this is. i have a bad habit of isolating myself when i feel this way. so that's tonight, and tomorrow paola and daniela are coming in to roam around the city a bit. maybe this will all help.

i don't want to be regarded as someone's mistake.

i want to be worth it to someone.

i spent two years in my hometown dealing with no one wanting to date me because of the distance, and now i'm here in a city full of people and no one wants to date me because eventually i'll leave. no matter where i am i'm undateable.

so these people think the only thing i'm good for is just a quick, fun time. and that's not what i want. it's just not.

i don't know. i'm just trying to get the thoughts out.

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