i can feel it in my bones, i'm gonna spend my whole life alone
14.01.20 | 10:20 pm

the past few days have felt very lonely for me, even though they haven't actually been lonely. to be honest, i've had too much wine the past few days, i've slept too late, and i'm not waking up at 7:00 to do yoga and walk emma before work like a healthy person would.

i want someone to sit on the couch with me and watch these stupid french tiktok videos (that i'm using to improve my language skillz).

tomorrow, javier, angela, tito, and i are going to the games cafe down the street. maybe to the bar after, who knows. i am looking forward to it.

everything feels... dulled.

i don't know how to explain it.

i need to get through january. i need the weather to warm up. i need to be outside.

i'm really into hot chocolate lately.

these entries are so boring. maybe i shouldn't try to write every day. my life is not that exciting. i'm just not that exciting. and the only thing occupying my mind is getting better at french and having someone fall in love with me (and the latter sure as hell ain't happening any time soon so...).

i keep going to bed and having this awful dry cough because i think i'm dehydrated.

maybe that's the actual cause to all of my non-problems.

i need to get my hair trimmed but i'm scared i'll say something wrong and it'll all get chopped off. also i have almost no money in my french account right now which is suuuuuuuuuuper cool.

no one is interesting.

this is some stupid rambling bullshit. i don't have the energy to edit myself.

my night moisturizer needs to be updated because my skin is way too dry right now.

it's good that i didn't walk emma down to the bar like i wanted to. such a crowd of people outside. maybe tomorrow night we'll all go after the game cafe. idk.

i kind of feel like i'm spiraling but i equally think this is how i always feel in january. what does that tell you.

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