mostly me being angry
15.02.20 | 10:34 pm

tonight i:

-watched to all the boys: ps i love you, and wallowed (slightly) about how i want someone to love me (but also about the fact that it's really that i won't let myself love someone else)
-went to a concert for a band i didn't know, which it turned out i did know someone from school in the band, and i saw one of my coworker's and her husband there
-and i saw you there, but never once looked at you, drank my wine, and left when i wanted to

i have so much to learn.

i'm sitting here in my pajamas, my hair covered in dry shampoo and up in a bun, my eyebrow twitching inecessantly

and i equally know i want someone to love me, and i am (generally) incapable of any real kind of love or connection

is that the real realization? that it's me? is it me, or am i just drunk on white wine and teenage rom-coms?

i wish i had real tarot cards here. on my golden threads app, i just pulled the card v of cups reversed, meaning acceptance, moving on, finding peace.

so i am accepting, moving on, finding peace from youuuuuuuuuuuu.

also, i think i hate david, even though we tried to have sex on my birthday, and one minute in, he got such a bad leg cramp, he could not continue, so i went home. he sucks. the end. boys are horrible. the end, part two.

also, i just sent alex a message saying i hope he's well, i don't like ghosting, good luck. so. that was probably definitely a mistake. the end, part three.

men are trashhhhhhhhhh. american and french. the end, part four.

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