an actual update where i'm not spiraling
23.03.20 | 11:04 am
my train friday was canceled. i looked, briefly, into other ways to get to the airport, but really, it wasn't possible.
so i changed my flight back to may.
i'm here until may.
and i feel like i can finally relax. i can finally breathe.
--
i finally just sat down and read, pleasurably, not as if it were a chore, last night. i'm reading little women. no one ever told me this book is SO LONG. but it's cute and lovely and i can't wait to finish it and then watch the film.
i have so many other books to read as well. four different books in french, a ya novel in english, some more on top of that. it is nice to feel actual joy from something you love again.
--
i feel like, amidst all of this, that the feelings have subsided, calmed. i'm taking some space. i think it will be good for me, overall.
i started to send you a text two or three different times in the last twenty-four hours, stopped, thought about it, and deleted them. sent them to other friends if applicable.
there's truly no point in focusing on any of this at the time being regardless.
it's really one of the few periods of my life where i feel completely content with the idea of not needing to seek anything out. i can be by myself in this way. take care of my own heart. focus on what i want to do.
i guess it's nice, actually.