08.05.20 | 9:50 pm

listen, everything sucks.

a few days ago i apologized for being needy, said i didn’t want to be annoying, and you said, “it’s okay. i know you need more right now.”

and that truth hit me like a ton of bricks. and it fucking embarrassed me.

i don’t need you. or anyone. (i mean, i do need people, of course i do.)

but god does it bring on the shame. i don’t want you to know it, even if i’m saying it literally and metaphorically.

anyway, i haven’t talked to you since, except once where i asked how your cat’s vet appointment went.

“thanks for asking,” you said, something you hadn’t said before, something i’d said before after you asked about emma.

i am truly so fucking sad and honestly mostly miserable right now. i don’t yet know how or when i’m going to get home and i feel completely stuck in every way.

and i want to be missed. you know, that whole thing.

i’m so tired of sleeping alone. but at least i have emma to sleep in between my legs or pressed against my back.

there’s so much noise everywhere.

i cried tonight (again).

i just want either to go home or to be comforted in someone’s actual arms.

i don’t know, this is all such self-serving self-pitying bullshit. i hate it.

<< | >>