i can hear them in the living room
13.06.20 | 9:28 pm

a saturday night at home, with no worries about being anywhere else or seeing anyone else, is such a pleasure. trav and kels came over with the kids, and we all just hung out and talked and i carried the kids around and played and it was all truly lovely.

plus, i just finished my book, and it was so good and silly and sweet, so much so that i'm equal parts happy and sad, as these things normally render me.

annoying: i weigh myself multiple times a day. i've been home for two weeks and i have continued to hover around the same number i saw when i got here. (i consider this a good thing, as my running has suffered, my eating has suffered, i've been distracted, etc., but i suppose i'm maintaining where i am.) we go to the beach at the beginning of july, so now my brain is thinking: okay, two and a half weeks -- you can be super serious about this for two and a half weeks, can't you? but it's all very silly.

i am so tired of multiple boys using me as the person they talk to about dating, the trials and tribulations, the excitement, etc., only to respond to my musings with "lol yeah." like, what am i, just here to do some emotional labor for you? be excited when you're excited, be worried when you're worried? try to be a voice of reason? it's not my job. especially when it's never fully returned.

my eyelids are trying to close on me, so here's the last thing: i really hope that we get word about the program soon, about if we can start the process for our visas, because i really want to get this show on the road and actually get back to france and do it right, do it better this time around.

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