random stuff today
26.06.20 | 7:55 pm

nothing exciting is going on, but i like the groove of updating every day, and i haven't in three days. so here i am.

i know that i implied there: nothing is exciting in my life is worth writing about. but that's not true. and i know it's not true. i'm trying to be deliberately nicer to myself. no more thinking something (namely myself) isn't good enough for this or that or that i need to improve a thousand times in order to even have a seat at the table.

i've been catching up on my hulu shows. you've been burning through breaking bad on my netflix.

i had a conversation out loud about all of this the other day and i think it really hammered in how ... silly ... it all is, i am. progress. let's hope.

i mean, honestly: i don't like thinking about how you're not talking to me on the days you don't talk to me. it doesn't bother me, but i notice it. get. out. of. my. head.

caught up on letterkenny which was great as always. i have a lot of reconciling with myself to do with that show in terms of sexism but also the strong female characters it has? i don't know, i just tried to write it out and it all sounded wrong, so there needs to be more thinking here in terms of sexuality and, well, mostly that.

i suppose really i still struggle myself in terms of thinking: am i a slut for doing X? does this make me seem like a whore? vs. i can do what i want, and i am allowed to have sexual encounters if i so please, etc. etc. this is boring.

i had a little bit of wine, so i suppose i'm a bit all over the place.

sometimes i still check matt's facebook just to make sure he's not dead and everyone forgot to tell me.

god that's fucking weird.

mom just came in and talked to me for like 20 minutes, mostly about bret and destiny, and how there's a good chance destiny is actually cheating on my baby brother. i don't know, but the things i've seen of her since i've gotten home, maybe they've been colored by other people's opinions, but she's not really in my favor right now. that's all. i don't know what's what. so there's that.

i started this entry two hours ago and it's really just a bunch of random stuff. that's okay.

i just want to sleep and not have to wake up at 5am to teach.

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