another brother divorce
15.07.20 | 4:17 pm

well, it looks like my brother is getting a divorce. (finally.)

we had been thinking for the last couple of months that he was back on drugs. (we hoped it wasn't meth again, but we didn't know for sure.)

apparently, instead, he got himself a girlfriend.

a 26-year-old girlfriend who, i suppose, is okay with sleeping with a 33-year-old married man (miserable as he was) who has two kids of his own and two step kids to worry about.

don't get me wrong -- they should've gotten divorced a long time ago. their relationship was destructive for the both of them. but i suppose in my little righteous heart, this isn't the way to do it.

and here's why:

my brother is not the type to do any inner searching whatsoever. he will never analyze himself, the way he is, or what he can do to change and become better. these aren't the kinds of things that interest him.

so okay. he has a girlfriend. to be fair, he seems very into her, but it's also only been a month.

here's my prediction: it'll go on okay for a couple of months, then something will happen and the relationship will crash and burn. he will lose the steam it has given him in order to get out of his marriage.

he will not take the time to be by himself. he won't try to look at himself or improve himself or even just look at his own choices. instead, he will spiral down a darker path.

maybe i'm wrong. i mean, i hope i am.

but it just seems so... predictable.


as someone who is constantly evaluating what she needs to improve and change about herself, it's amazing to see people who wade through life without ever placing any importance on it at all. maybe life is better or easier that way. those people probably don't spend copious amounts of time making lists of everything they suck at and making plans to improve so that they become a better or more interesting person.


have i talked about this yet?

i am going to work for my high school, the one i worked at before, for at least the first two months of the year. then, if i am able to get back to france (if visas are granted...), they said i could leave in the middle of my contract.

so i'll have "real money" again for a couple of months at least, which is... such a relief, honestly.

i've been in a relatively cushy position for a lot of my life. i've always had decent jobs and made decent money (even if i was working three jobs at one time to make sure of that), so spending the last year on less than 800/month was... a bit shocking. doable, but shocking.

i won't be able to even get into my classroom for the next fifteen days. and there are rules upon rules upon rules on how school is reopening with covid being a factor. but we shall see how it goes.

more than anything, i want to return to france. so that's the ultimate goal.


i've been really having the urge to go on a date lately. i mean, i'm not going to, as that would be useless if nothing else, given the world circumstances and my own.

but it would be really nice to have a drink with a man who thinks i'm cute and interesting again.

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