anxious energy
13.11.20 | 2:33 pm

today started off with so much anxious energy that my hands were shaking as i sat at my desk, trying to write emails. it has been a long time since i have felt the very present, very physical signs of my nervousness or anxiety (besides quarantine, it was probably last when i lived in colorado), but in the last month, they've started coming back full force.

running more, doing more yoga, lifting more, walking more -- i thought these things would eliminate those feelings. but they haven't, and they won't. not entirely.

afterward, i spent half of the day at work not getting anything done, but instead talking to kesley while i sat on the floor on my yoga mat. then, we found out we could leave work an hour early. so now i'm in the house, just me and emma, no one else is here, it's quiet, and i could do anything i want.

i might try to make something fancy for dinner. a risotto, maybe. or a posole.

as much as this year has taken away from me (from everyone), it has also given to me things i did not know could satiate me so much: cooking, baking, running, walking, talking so much more often to my friends.

these are the good things.

focus on the good things.

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