i'm fine i'm fine i'm fine
13.12.20 | 9:46 pm

when i sit here with my chest tight for an entire weekend, when there are moments that my breath seems to catch, where i can't get enough air, where it makes me slightly dizzy, i can't help but obsess over the possibility of death.

what it would be like if i just dropped dead --

what people would think or say --

how they would feel --

and then, obsessing over the possibility of other people dying, feeling my chest grow tighter at the thought of it, bringing literal tears to my eyes because i'm thinking about it so hard.

i haven't done this in years.

why now?

why now?

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