i have to rewatch bojack now
23.12.20 | 12:47 pm

it makes me sad to talk to you. it hovers over my head and then weighs down in my chest. it feels so sterile compared to how we talked nearly a year ago: just tv shows, nothing of our actual lives, no real questions to be found. and i have no desire to hear about your girlfriend.

i gave a lot of myself to you, in a very strange, roundabout way.

and now this boy i'm talking to will read my messages and not actually respond to anything i said, just move on to what he actually wants to talk about.

kind of like you did.

and i don't have the ability or the patience or the desire to go through any of this again.

a lot of things were tied up with you: the possibility of staying, of mastering a language, of living an "exciting" life.

but none of those are my reality.

and that's okay.

i'll answer you when you message me. but i am done reaching out, putting myself out there to be ignored, only responded to in the briefest of windows when it is convenient for you.

i gave too much of myself too quickly before it made sense.

we live and we learn.

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