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10.01.21 | 10:43 am
went to chris' last night, had pizza, had wine, had really good conversation, did the things he wanted to do to get him to where he wanted to be even though the same was not extended to me, watched some tv, then had him ask me to leave at 1am because he didn't feel well now (okay that's fine i get it) and had to work tomorrow (though he'd told me he doesn't work tomorrow) and when i said "i don't live 10 minutes away chris, i live over an hour away" and "i don't feel safe leaving right now because of the wine" he said "well what would you have had me do" and then we sat in silence until the next episode was over and i gathered my clothes and walked to the door with him following me saying "i'm sorry, i shouldn't have said that, you don't have to go" and i said goodbye and walked out and drove home because there is nothing worse than staying where you clearly aren't wanted.
i am... tired.
i am so tired of dealing with anyone in this way. of feeling like i have a handle on something and then just having my feelings hurt. i don't want to do any of it anymore.